Why I write

I write because I have thoughts which will be more sensible when they are put into print. Thoughts which can be of help to myself when situations arise and to others when their words fail them.

I write without stopping not mindful of the grammar or even the legibility of what I write. I jot down everything--in the end it looks like I'm drawing hieroglyphics or that my piece is written by a chicken but then again the effort is more noticeable than the cause. The physical set up of my writing is the effect of trying to catch up with my thoughts. You see, a thought is the very essence of writing. I believe that every thought is precious, it should be in black and white. A thought once it slipped your mind is hard to recover. And when you try to recover it you will be plagued by technicalities.

Writing is writing without thinking. Writing is writing only with your thoughts with the best way to express them.

I write because I am compelled to fulfill my pen's worth--- the reason for its existence; to combine letters which would make sense or even if it wouldn't, as long as its ink will be exhausted because it will sink into uselessness by fulfilling its sole purpose.

I write because it's the only way I can express myself. It's just me, my pen and a piece of paper. This way, my world is simple.

I write not because I know words also not because I want to flaunt my vocabulary. I don't want to complicate my message by using highfalutin words because using such do not ensure maximum comprehension of what I write. When words want to take over me, I give in. Words are the result of the combination of letters which eventually made sense.

I write because I want to be understood not to boast.

I write because my emotions drive me to do so.

I write because I can.
--------------

These I just have to put into words to serve as a reminder when I get scared of looking at a blank piece of paper, when I start doubting my right hand's ability to guide a pen and be lost in the world of thoughts and words.


--D.B.R.S

Somewhere I have never travelled...

Somewhere I have never travelled

by E.E Cummings

somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which I cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though I have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, I and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

-----
I want to experience this journey.

Tick Tock II

I look at the clock, it stopped ticking.
I look at myself and stopped waiting.
Am I the only one who's tired?
Or the only one who tried?

For years I have kept it,
Under lock and key for extreme secrecy
I have ignored all opportunities
Thinking I might ruin what we have
Only to find out that all we had is nothing.

The present is not different from the past, only less talking.
But when did we ever talk?
We're both listeners and
You were also gifted with a keen eye for observation.

but

How come you never heard how my heart beats when you're near
or
How my heart somersaults by the mere mention of your name?

How come you never noticed how my cheeks turn red when you give me a compliment?
How come you never took note of the glitter in my eyes when I look at you,
of the way I looked at you?

Am I really good in hiding?
Or you are good in ignoring?
Nonetheless, we were able to keep what we had: NOTHING.

--D.B.R.S

Tick Tock I

Saturday morning and yet the rain won't stop falling
Everything outside is soaking and so is this pillow I'm hugging
Can love exist without tears?
Would it take years for this pain to fade?
I just want a way to escape...

I talk in riddles
but you deciphered my mystery
Now, I'm just another cracked puzzle
A person who would soon be a history

You left me hanging
Out in the open I freeze
Love, now I understand how
You turn angels into beasts

I looked at the clock, it stopped ticking.
I looked at myself and stopped waiting.

---D.B.R.S

A silent caterpillar wanting to fly.

When can I control my life?
When can I decide on my own?
When can I decide for myself?

I remember a friend telling me that she envies me because I can do whatever I want... that I don't have any responsibilities... how I wish that's true. I only act so carefree and happy-go-lucky because I refuse to give in to the stress of carrying responsibilities, I refuse to look troubled and I think I refuse to accept the fact that I only have a limited time left to look or act the way I do. Time will come and it is sooner rather than later that this chance to be this happy...look this happy--carefree as she puts it--- this chance will no longer exist. I have to shape up and grow. Even it I still don't want to.

Anyway, my friend does not know how I envy her. She accepts responsibilities and she's good at it. She's good in fulfilling it and in trouble-shooting a lot of stuff. She decides on her own... She's the pilot of her own life... and she speaks up for her own while I have to bite my tongue and swallow every single retort that I so want to say.

If there's one thing my situation taught me that's SILENCE. Silence. In silence I wallow in my own misfortune, in silence I can speak for my own, in silence I can think for myself and in silence I see myself doing what I want to do and what makes me happy. I wish I don't have to do these things in silence.

So here I am in a crowded place where people seem to have no problem---a place which seem to hide the reality: a place of escape... and in this place, I wonder when will this silence come to an end.

--D.B.R.S

Life, Socks

"What I need to Learn, I learned from Wearing Socks"

Do you still remember the time when you can't even put on clothes without looking like a victim of a bad spell or jinx? Remember when you can't win a battle with things which can't do you any harm but you are still on the losing side? Do you remember what your elders told you back then?

I remember when I was young one of my mother's older sister, Mama as what we call her because she's like a mother for she makes sure that we survive our daily battles with clothes and the likes, helps me put on my socks. You see there were two apparels which I am a bit cautious to wear that I needed my Mama's assistance in wearing those two--- a pair of socks was one of them. I believe that my fears were quite rational that time if you take in consideration the tabularasa argument which means whatever my elders tell me I consider that as the ultimate truth... I didn't know better and it was only way way later when I realized that what they told me were lies for them to have things go their way.

Anyway, I would remember my Mama telling me that I should know which socks should be on which foot---meaning I should always be able to distinguish which one is the right sock and which one is the left sock as well as how to correctly wear socks---the line should be at the heel---the bwool as what my Mama call it. My Mama said that if I put the wrong sock at the wrong foot my feet will be interchanged thus causing a disability---a disability which I caused because I didn't follow her instructions. Imagine having your left foot on the right side and your right foot on the left--that's enough to make me scared.

School started and my teachers tried putting some information inside this weird shaped head of mine---some of these information were retained--- point is I was able to distinguish facts from white lies. I now laugh at how gullible I was and the fact that I believed the threat my Mama said about socks. It makes me smile though and shake my head that up until now I still make sure that I distinguish which sock should be on the right foot, which should be at the left and that I am still ever so careful in putting on a pair of socks.

You might find it weird that I am talking about socks but when you are going through something you start to reminisce and it was only four months ago that I got to see the wisdom behind my Mama's teachings.

You should know which sock should be on which foot. In life, I think it taught me to know what's right and what should be done; "Dapat alam mo kung ano ang tama at kung ano ang dapat"... In every situation it should be like that. There's should be an assessment of the situation, every option should be analyzed and consequences should be evaluated. And this should always be done before doing something which I might regret afterwards.

If you put the wrong sock at the wrong foot your feet will be interchanged which I said would be a disability which I caused. The lesson , in life whatever happens it's my fault or it's my own doing because I acted without properly evaluating the situation and I acted with the knowledge that it will lead to chaos or confusion but I still did it. And when this happens the only person to be blamed is myself.

What you do in life is irreversible just like having an interchanged feet.. My Mama never told me of a solution or cure if my feet will be interchanged and in life there are also no cure or there is no way to undo what has already been done, take back what has already been said and erase a wound which has already been inflicted and left bleeding. Just like there's no way to make a scar disappear.

This my friends is one lesson I learned from childhood. This won't be taught in school--- this is what you learn from experience and from white lies told by your elders.

What a lesson I got just by wearing socks! :)

--D.B.R.S

Popped

POP

I remember that orange day
of melancholy and delight
of confettis riding the wind
while gazing up at the winding path
of meeting greens rousing soliloquies of yesteryore...

I remember your goldfish which died of loneliness
Loneliness because its partner passed away
I remember not telling you
I reckon it was unhappy
of the name you have given it.

I remember you recounting some humiliating reminiscences
and your queer phraseology which transported me into a sitcom:
Your stars, our laughter and  the internet connection which assured me of your humor's originality.

I remember the movie playing in the background
along with disdainful stares thrown our way,
the snide comments which were aimed at us
and how they failed
I recall us going out of the movie house
not knowing what the movie was about.

I remember writing in my journal of a fortuitous event
which involved you, me, gluttony and a saint.
I remember remembering my faith in fate.

I remember chaos and the rain on your face,
the smoke in our eyes and the masks we flaunt.
I remember the feeling of wanting to be unmasked,
I realized you were holding on tight on my disguise
thus adding a bulk to my facade.

I remember wanting to get out
but cowardice caught up with me
Wishing I won't remember what I see...
hear... feel...

I remember the hardest part: REMEMBERING.

--D.B.R.S

A few

A lot of people can claim that they do not cling to favoritism but only few can live up to it.

Anybody can think but only few can think sensibly, only few can think right. But then again, what is right can be subjective.

--D.B.R.S

On Writing and Speaking

If there was one thing that I learned in the field of writing, it is that a piece must be always written as natural as possible. It's not about using the deepest word you know, or to write what people want to read, not even to impress others.

My mother taught me to write and my elementary teacher taught me to construct a sentence. I did not study or attend a writing class. I don't read novels and I'm not a fan of Shakespeare. I call myself a writer just because I made a lot of pieces. I write, simple because I can.

Well I believe that writing should always come from a person's heart and not from his brain. Write what you feel, write what you want, write what you believe. Because it is your piece. It is your story, and it is your own hand who is writing.

But remember, when you are pushed to read your own piece out loud, read it with your heart and not with your eyes. Because the essence of a piece will always come from your HEART.

-------
fabulous.
written by a friend named Van.

Oratorical Piece no.1

“Losing faith, holding on to dreams.”

I have lost faith on our leaders.

During elections we see people who have qualified to run for offices vie for the favor of the Filipinos by blabbering their ideas for the common good of the Philippines and the entire Filipino populace. The people would listen, decide and finally cast their votes. The people trust their judgment in choosing their officials based on what can be used as proof or evidence that these officials are worthy of the position but most of the time the people’s judgment is wrong because these officials are masters of hypocrisy; at the end, some live up to the expectations and have a promising career, some would end up being 1) ousted through revolutions, 2) the reason for mass demonstrations of people and different groups on the streets 3) on the front page of the newspaper looking hideous and not worthy of sympathy despite of their condition and 4) on a hospital arrest because they were not granted permission to leave the country even if its for health reasons. All of these and many more have been just a response to graft and corruption being committed by the people who were supposed to forward the interest of the Filipino populace through effective governance but never did; never even tried to do it.

Graft and corruption are crimes committed by those people who are practitioners of fraud and illicit activities through power tripping. These people are usually those who possess a limited vocabulary and consider INTEGRITY and HONESTY foreign terms, have superior ability in lying, amazingly thick-faced, unbelievably shameless, and despicable in every sense of the word that upon being elected in office would start planning on how to increase personal wealth and lavish on the prestige, privileges and power that their position offers and these kinds of leaders are the ones who inflict more damage to our country.

The damages being inflicted by these people are so grave that they ought to be hanged or be guillotined for the crimes they have committed just like what peoples of other nations do to those leaders who have brought nothing but misfortune to their country because of selfish interests but the Filipino people have always been emotional in decision making that justice is undermined because of their pity, their belief of forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt they give to these wrong doers thus these vile creatures we call officials have a lot of nerve to succumb to moral perversion and betray the people’s trust.


These corrupt officials rob the people of a multitude of opportunities which could have been provided only with effective governance.

These corrupt officials kill people who have trusted them.

These corrupt officials have laid the Philippines prey to those exploiting foreigners.

And these corrupt made the Filipinos turn their back to their country and bow their heads in shame.
It’s unbelievable to think that a few people can actually bring this kind of suffering to an entire nation. But then again, it’s what power does to those who are weak enough to succumb to its temptation and for several years, decades, the Philippines has been falling victim to these kind of people. It’s a pity to watch a country which promises a lot of potential to stagnate rather than to develop.

That’s why I have lost faith on the present.


In Egypt, Mubarak was tried publicly despite of his health condition. In Libya, Qadhafi was killed. The officials were held accountable of what they did and the people make sure that justice will be served.
In the Philippines, the former President who has committed cases of graft and corruption is now a congresswoman and escapes charges that are being filed against her and the people can’t do anything but pressure the government, which seems to be under her clutches, to do the right thing.

That’s why I have lost faith on the system.

I have always thought that the situations will change. I have always believed that someday a philosopher king or leader would bring our country back to its former glory: glory which at some point we have experienced in the past, glory which stimulated the potentials of our country but as years pass, I began to doubt this. An average youth losing faith because of what the current leaders are doing… and it pains me to admit the truth that at some point the youth right now, yes the youth which are the future of the country, are falling into passiveness… they have stopped caring all because of these offenders whose crimes are paraded in public yet are still unpunished because of the power they hold. The greatest shame a youth could witness is a failing justice system because of corruption because it takes all hopes away and when that hope is gone, no one will aim for change.

What troubles me is the threat of the youth of today following on the footsteps of corrupt officials. With the existence of the Sangguniang Kabataan where young leaders are being educated on graft and corruption and if that young man or lady does not know better, he or she will probably end up being dishonest.

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream of equality and freedom. ABBA had a dream of a song to sing. Well, I have dreams for my country; dreams which could not be taken away from me even by the rampant graft and corruption cases that plague our country. I have a dream of not hearing any insults directed to my country men. I have a dream of living in a country which lives up to its potentials. I have a dream of a justice system not being monopolized by powerful wrong doers. I have a dream of having a leader to look up to and would lead this country into progress. I have a dream that maybe I would be the one to fulfill these dreams. I have these dreams and I’ll continue dreaming until these dreams turn into reality.

I have these dreams. And that’s why I have to recover my lost faiths.


-----
The topic was about Government Officials in the Philippines(not sure). My piece for the elimination round-Nov. 28, 2011.

--D.B.R.S 

My beacon

A mentor and I can say, a friend, one day brought this paper wrapped thing in our class. He sat next to me then and showed me this paper which even at first glance you'll know that there is something inside. I looked at him questioningly but he didn't pay any attention. I looked at what's on my armchair and there was a scribble on that particular wrap, it says "Waiting to be found by someone deserving" (I'm not sure if this was what was written verbatim since it has been a long time and my memory is a bit foggy but I think the thought is the same). When I opened it I saw this book of poems with illustration and some of my favorite poems are in this book. I fell in love at first sight for this book but I wished that it will indeed be found by someone deserving (I am secretly wishing that it will be me). I never saw the book again.

The price for the person who will get the highest rating (rating will be given by the entire class and by my professor) will receive a bottle of Johnny Walker Whiskey Swing.

credits to Google for this image

Come the day of my turn for impromptu speaking (this was one of the requirements for our final exams in Public Speaking) and the topic that I got was "EYES". We had 10 minutes to prepare and 3 minutes to deliver a speech. All the time I was preparing, a particular comment made by a senior (from my organization) for some reason is on repeat in my head and that is "I am not a fast thinker." But I'll just shake my head and say f*** it. I tried my best to put my thoughts in order. When I delivered my piece, I gave up on winning the Whiskey Swing because my classmates' pieces are really good and there are others which haven't delivered their pieces yet.

Come results day, I was not the one who got the highest rating. A classmate of mine beat me to it but getting praises for my speech is enough for me. For people to appreciate what you do, it's worth it.

I was surprised though that my professor announced that the person who got the second highest rating will also receive a price.

This I will forever treasure.
I got this as a prize for getting the second highest rating for our impromptu speech in Public Speaking.
I got it. I guess, I deserved it.
My craft. My first love.

--D.B.R.S 

To everywhere.

I have a penchant for good shoes. When I see a pair which I really like, I'll do everything to have that pair.

Even as a child I already believed that shoes take you to the best places. It takes you anywhere...and never complain.

To everywhere.

--D.B.R.S 

scribbles

Why have you become so withdrawn? Detached… and confined yourself into your own world? or are you spacing out into another world?

The reason’s simple. I no longer feel a connection. And that I have to search for myself because I’m afraid not knowing who I am… I’m afraid that if I don’t take some time off to reflect or just to be alone.. I’ll lose myself forever. Emptiness makes me feel. Loneliness though unwanted is needed… it makes you realize many things… it makes you accept the things which can be both the reason for your laughs and tears. Loneliness makes you look forward to the smiles and laughter while immersed in tears. Sometimes, enlightenment comes when you are in your weakest point.

Why do I space out into another world? Simple, I am looking for that connection. I want to become one or part of something and if I don’t feel that anymore, it’s like I no longer exist. That connection makes me feel alive; it gives me a sense of belongingness— a drive to live. It gives me happiness that when there will come a time that I’m alone… I know that it won’t be that way for long… or if I have nothing to do, I know it’s temporary because the connection is there. It’s like a string to a kite that even if it’s far away it is still with you because of that string. But there will come a point when the kite won’t answer to my tugging or to my hold and that’s when the connection ends. I’m alone and God knows what or how I feel but I need it. I need to re-connect with myself and I do that when I withdraw myself from everything… until I find that connection again... I have to want to find that connection.

You like exploring but you are afraid of losing yourself. Isn’t that a contradiction? When you explore you find out new things and that means you forget some… change. Discover something that you are until that moment of discovery. It’s like a snake shedding its skin… when you explore you shed your skin and get a new one but you are still you.

It’s ok to explore and immerse yourself in any world that you like but never lose yourself in that world. Gnothi seauton. And I can only do that when I detach myself from everything.

 ———————————————–

Why then are we so curious of what others think of us? Why do we have to know ourselves through others?

Knowing oneself through the eyes of “others” is stupid. If you use the eyes of others to discover who you are, you’ll never know what and who you really are. You are submerging yourself in their own biases. You can never know what your own biases are and you can never look at things in your own perception. You will be looking at everything and everyone through the eyes of others. Your objectivity relies on the subjectivity of others.

--D.B.R.S 

a glimpse

to be

the best and still be unwanted,

to have someone who would look past the way I acted.

Keep disappearing but wanting to be found,

please realize I want you to look for me around…

Keep pushing people away,

and cry my heart out if they won’t stay

Keep giving until I have nothing left,

receive something and label it as theft.

Stay happy and refuse to grieve,

Like a tree in Autumn losing its leaves.

Give comfort despite the heartbreaking pain,

Try hard not to go astray,

even if there’s nowhere I can stay

Keep my ground while aiming far,

fall so hard before even reaching the stars…

To be

in a crowd and still be lonely,
Alone and be haunted by melancholy

To have friends but wary to trust,
Try to give my best and still eat the dust…

Speak and give away nothing
Listen and take everything
To shatter and still remain intact
Give myself completely and fall apart,
pick up the pieces for a heartbreaking start…

Damaged good and still remain fragile,
Go through hell and still manage to show a genuine smile…

To be
in one place but be everywhere
surrounded by love but feel empty,
surrounded by tragedy and feel no sympathy…

Wise but taken for a fool,
selfless in a way perceived as cruel.
Give my all and be treated the worst,
Endure every beating because its affection I
thirst.
Ironically tragic, sarcastically funny,
that’s what I am unknown to everybody….

—

this poem was inspired by another poem.

this poem is still incomplete.

--D.B.R.S 

letters

Write to me my love and put your feelings into words
express it in metaphors but never in hyperboles
because they only disappoint

Write to me now and make me feel your love
caress me with the sweetness of your words
and melt the ice made by your actions

Write to me my love and give me something to hold on to
I’m hanging on a cliff and I’m about to let go
Write to me and let your words save me

Write to me my love, heed my request
though I push you away,
I only want you to stay

Write to me my love
and let me know you’ll stay…

—–
A product of walking… This poem was inspired by my penchant for letters

--D.B.R.S 

in a shade of gray

favorite page… I wanna explore the world with a camera on one hand and a pen and paper on the other.

--D.B.R.S