Hide and Seek (but mostly seeking)

They say that when you go looking for something,

You won’t find it.

I searched for you but I didn’t see you.

Maybe I was looking on the wrong side that when you were supposed to look into my eyes

You look into somebody else’s.

Maybe because I was not wearing my eye glasses

And it made you blend in with everything I see: A blur

It’s like water color painting only it is bathing in water so

I couldn’t make a figure out of you

Maybe it was on a busy street

I couldn’t make you stand out from the crowd of faceless figures

I couldn’t highlight you enough to make you stand out

So you ended up like the lines in books which killed me

I keep thinking “I’ll highlight you later”

But when I remember, I’m already nth books away and I’ll say “I’ll highlight it again the next time I read it” but I don’t. So you, the quote which sucker punched me squarely in the chest drowned in the sea of words on print in this X book gathering dust in the corner, waiting for me to pick you up.

Until you disappeared. Until I went on looking.

Until I could no longer find you.

Sometimes when I go look for things, it is usually near where I am but I miss it because I am too occupied that I forgot I was looking for it. I know where I left it but when I look for it. It is no longer there.

Like how you were always in the hallways

And I would always pass by.

And maybe I noticed but I kept thinking

He’ll be standing on the same spot tomorrow.

And the next tomorrow

Until the last tomorrow

Until I stopped looking forward to tomorrows

Because you were no longer there.

And you were nowhere to be found.

Maybe,

We used to be in the same space, breathing the same air

If only I walked with my chin up

Not minding my steps

If only I was not such a klutz to mind my steps

If only I had worn my flats instead of the stupid stilettos

If only I were say four inches taller to be able to see past these walls of people’s backs

If only I had studied my lessons the night before

So I wouldn’t have my head buried in a book or in any reading material

If only I spent less time stalking someone in Facebook

And had enough sleep

If only I did what I ought to do then I would’ve notice.

I would’ve seen you and stared at you and repeated the mantra “look this way look this way look this way look this way” oh shit he looked at me

Until you look my way.

I would’ve noticed what the universe was trying to tell me. I would’ve seen you. There was no way I couldn’t.

But I didn’t.  The time I turned around was the exact moment you turned your back on me.

Maybe I already saw you somewhere. We got common friends; we got common people we’re irritated with. We booed the same band. Maybe you hated one of my favorite songs; maybe it was you I overheard saying something I totally found stupid.  We barely knew our world once overlapped. Like two circles in a Venn diagram, that space where our worlds intersect was enough to draw us closer but the timing drew our worlds apart until we became two circles apart.

There were always people to meet, schedules to follow, to do lists to accomplish, tasks to finish,

Places to visit, heartaches to be tended, decisions to be made.

There were always things happening at the same time you were supposed to happen to me.

Like the lost things I am looking for. If only I knew I needed them, I would’ve kept them.

Like you, if only I knew then I would’ve kept you.

I just didn’t know who you will be.

And that time, I just didn’t care.

People say that when you are looking for something

You won’t find it. Try not looking for it, and it will pop up out of nowhere.

It will find you, when you stop looking.

I was zoning out but it was not on the street.

It was busy

There was a crowd

I was meeting everybody

I was wearing my glasses

I was still sleepy

I was busy

But with all the buzz

With all the chaos around me,
I took a moment to step back,

turned around

Looked up and said, 'Hi’

I stopped looking. For a while.

-DBRS

A piece on the one that got away or maybe the one who didn’t even went away because you never had the balls to catch it then. The Maybes and the If Onlys but not in its entirety. An excerpt of a could have been.

Sea

I am afraid of seas.I keep thinking that it's going to drown me.

I have been afraid for a long time that instead of diving directly into the water. I always stay by the shore knowing that whatever waves that touched it, it will eventually go away. It’s always been that way—like waves hitting a shore--- sometimes hitting the shore violently so intense that it will carry you away, sometimes it drowns the shore, sometimes it hits you hard and leave you gasping for air, but there are times when it is calm. It can be any way but none the less, abrupt, sudden like death.

But there are times that I would give in to the urge to go far from the shore, venture into the deeper part of the waters and put my fears behind,  indulge in the feeling of not touching the ground. Floating, dulling my senses and just stay in that moment of peace but even with the safety of the moment, I get uncomfortable.

I’ve been used to the waves in the shore and the occasional floating but with you, I want more and I want it all.

You are the sea to my sunset. No matter how long and how far I am from you, I always end up with you.

I see myself clearly in you that I am starting to rediscover beauty and believe that I am capable of it.   I thought I can no longer be anything but ordinary but the thought of being with you again turns me into all synonyms and pictures of breath taking.

I’ll always end up with you that it makes me look forward to every ending. I know that I could rest and lay down my fears, even in full clothing you can strip me naked but you loved me even in my bareness that I no longer feel afraid. You engulf my entirety slowly that even in your vastness I feel secure, until all resistance fade. Gently tucking me in slowly until  I am drowning beautifully in your depth;  inch by inch and all at once everything I am and I will ever be. When you pull me close to you, when you make us one, you take all of me, not a piece is left behind: every piece that burns which cannot be defied, every heat that in nature kills, every light that is welcomed and blocked. 

 It is with only with you that I want to disappear, so take all of me. In you, I’ll drown willingly.

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-D.B.R.S, 9 April 2014

Lately (That is whenever I check your social networking sites)

If there's a way to contact you at four in the morning, even if it might disturb your beauty rest I'll send you a message. A missive with 160 characters more or less which I probably thought of for hours, days, or weeks, and may or may not be sent.  I can think of a lot of things to say but I don’t know if you will even listen.

If I could send you a message, I would. Be it in a bottle, in a picture, in an envelope or in a song. I will try to be descriptive and poetic. I will put all of my creative juices; force these creative juices to come out for one message. Even if I won't get a response just the thought of you reading what I put so much effort into would be enough to ease my mind.


I won't apologize; I won't even stop even if you ask me to, even if it annoys you. I can be persistent when I want to be and with you I’ll make my face a hundred times more thick that it already is and I’ll just pester you. But you might get annoyed and it will destroy my castles in the air but that's the only way to reach you so I will not stop. I will not apologize.

I want to let you know that your craft holds a huge spot in my heart. It fuels a passion which I continue to suppress because of fear and insecurity. What you do is what I've regretted running away from. What you say never fails to give that glass shattering moment of epiphany that it always leaves me pondering and speechless—well not really speechless because all I get to say is “DAMN!”

You see, it’s not even about your looks, I don’t know who you really are except for the glimpses which you let us see through your work. No, it was not your voice, it was not your corny jokes either or your futile attempt to be funny. Fine, you are funny. But the first time I encountered you, I did not see you, but I heard you. It was what you were saying, the words and the way you say what you were saying which tugged on my heart strings until it made a connection with my brain that I could not stop not knowing more about you and thank God for social networking sites because it feeds me my daily dose of you. Your sites are not updated though but whenever I see you on my news feed; I’ll have this happy feeling that at least I knew something about you.

If there's a way to talk to you about all of this then I would. Just the thought of being able to connect with you gives me so much happiness that I won't even notice if the sun won't shine for hours or days maybe. I can forget about the sun and the heavenly bodies and my fascination for trees if I could only talk to you.

This will be because for the first time in my life I want to say what I feel but the only person I want to talk about you is YOU.


If only there's a way to tell you all of this then I would but sadly, the reality of our circumstances sinks in so I'll just close my eyes and succumb to sleep.

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D.B.R.S 10 Aug 2013, 4:55 a.m(GMT+8) in line for revisions, for a muse so far out of reached but not impossible to be reached.

Heavenly bodies

I am not sure what inspired this one but I wrote this on my phone last 11 Aug 2013. I just had this feeling of not confining this text in my phone. This is a rough draft of an excerpt of a piece which I will be working on.

"He will ask you if you want the moon and he will promise to give it to you. He will use metaphors of heavenly bodies to express what he feels about you. He might give you moon but the day after tomorrow, you see him giving another moon to somebody else. You will realize that each moon though unique is not the only one of its kind which exists.
Now you look up the sky and hope for a meteoriod and mistake it for a falling star so you could make a wish. But my dear, a wish is as uncertain as the future that all we can do is hope. Do not keep wishing for the moon, for a falling star. Long for the sun. A ball of hot gas, a star! But not a typical star and yes there are a lot of stars but only few will dare to try and give it to you and if one returns scorched but empty handed. He might not be able to give you the sun but he will give you his world."

I am still waiting for that inspiration to come for me to finish this piece.

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D.B.R.S, 11 Aug 2013, at 12:32 a.m (GMT+8)

My sympathy goes to the light posts

I was walking with friends one day at a city within the walls when suddenly, a realization hit me. I kept looking at this erect piece of metal with bulb stationed along the streets to provide light when the sun is absent from the sky. It sure looks stylish, very apt to preserve the archaic vibe of the city but I noticed that it looked lonely. I was plagued by what I saw that when I got home I wrote a little piece:

"The melancholy of a light post: it stands alone. You can't find group of light posts together. There is always distance separating them. You don't even have a name for a group of light posts: for a group of flowers, the arrangement is called a bouquet. But what would you call an arrangement of light posts? They light up the dark but are taken for granted even if they are serving their purpose. If accidents happened, they would be blamed. And they stay in one place. Witness a lot of things happening but can't do anything. Helplessness. Yes, at its height."

Writing this here made me wonder if it's a light post or a mirror I see.

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D.B.R.S, piece written 7 July 2013, 2:54 a.m (GMT +8)

Life, Socks

"What I need to Learn, I learned from Wearing Socks"

Do you still remember the time when you can't even put on clothes without looking like a victim of a bad spell or jinx? Remember when you can't win a battle with things which can't do you any harm but you are still on the losing side? Do you remember what your elders told you back then?

I remember when I was young one of my mother's older sister, Mama as what we call her because she's like a mother for she makes sure that we survive our daily battles with clothes and the likes, helps me put on my socks. You see there were two apparels which I am a bit cautious to wear that I needed my Mama's assistance in wearing those two--- a pair of socks was one of them. I believe that my fears were quite rational that time if you take in consideration the tabularasa argument which means whatever my elders tell me I consider that as the ultimate truth... I didn't know better and it was only way way later when I realized that what they told me were lies for them to have things go their way.

Anyway, I would remember my Mama telling me that I should know which socks should be on which foot---meaning I should always be able to distinguish which one is the right sock and which one is the left sock as well as how to correctly wear socks---the line should be at the heel---the bwool as what my Mama call it. My Mama said that if I put the wrong sock at the wrong foot my feet will be interchanged thus causing a disability---a disability which I caused because I didn't follow her instructions. Imagine having your left foot on the right side and your right foot on the left--that's enough to make me scared.

School started and my teachers tried putting some information inside this weird shaped head of mine---some of these information were retained--- point is I was able to distinguish facts from white lies. I now laugh at how gullible I was and the fact that I believed the threat my Mama said about socks. It makes me smile though and shake my head that up until now I still make sure that I distinguish which sock should be on the right foot, which should be at the left and that I am still ever so careful in putting on a pair of socks.

You might find it weird that I am talking about socks but when you are going through something you start to reminisce and it was only four months ago that I got to see the wisdom behind my Mama's teachings.

You should know which sock should be on which foot. In life, I think it taught me to know what's right and what should be done; "Dapat alam mo kung ano ang tama at kung ano ang dapat"... In every situation it should be like that. There's should be an assessment of the situation, every option should be analyzed and consequences should be evaluated. And this should always be done before doing something which I might regret afterwards.

If you put the wrong sock at the wrong foot your feet will be interchanged which I said would be a disability which I caused. The lesson , in life whatever happens it's my fault or it's my own doing because I acted without properly evaluating the situation and I acted with the knowledge that it will lead to chaos or confusion but I still did it. And when this happens the only person to be blamed is myself.

What you do in life is irreversible just like having an interchanged feet.. My Mama never told me of a solution or cure if my feet will be interchanged and in life there are also no cure or there is no way to undo what has already been done, take back what has already been said and erase a wound which has already been inflicted and left bleeding. Just like there's no way to make a scar disappear.

This my friends is one lesson I learned from childhood. This won't be taught in school--- this is what you learn from experience and from white lies told by your elders.

What a lesson I got just by wearing socks! :)

--D.B.R.S

On Writing and Speaking

If there was one thing that I learned in the field of writing, it is that a piece must be always written as natural as possible. It's not about using the deepest word you know, or to write what people want to read, not even to impress others.

My mother taught me to write and my elementary teacher taught me to construct a sentence. I did not study or attend a writing class. I don't read novels and I'm not a fan of Shakespeare. I call myself a writer just because I made a lot of pieces. I write, simple because I can.

Well I believe that writing should always come from a person's heart and not from his brain. Write what you feel, write what you want, write what you believe. Because it is your piece. It is your story, and it is your own hand who is writing.

But remember, when you are pushed to read your own piece out loud, read it with your heart and not with your eyes. Because the essence of a piece will always come from your HEART.

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fabulous.
written by a friend named Van.

Oratorical Piece no.1

“Losing faith, holding on to dreams.”

I have lost faith on our leaders.

During elections we see people who have qualified to run for offices vie for the favor of the Filipinos by blabbering their ideas for the common good of the Philippines and the entire Filipino populace. The people would listen, decide and finally cast their votes. The people trust their judgment in choosing their officials based on what can be used as proof or evidence that these officials are worthy of the position but most of the time the people’s judgment is wrong because these officials are masters of hypocrisy; at the end, some live up to the expectations and have a promising career, some would end up being 1) ousted through revolutions, 2) the reason for mass demonstrations of people and different groups on the streets 3) on the front page of the newspaper looking hideous and not worthy of sympathy despite of their condition and 4) on a hospital arrest because they were not granted permission to leave the country even if its for health reasons. All of these and many more have been just a response to graft and corruption being committed by the people who were supposed to forward the interest of the Filipino populace through effective governance but never did; never even tried to do it.

Graft and corruption are crimes committed by those people who are practitioners of fraud and illicit activities through power tripping. These people are usually those who possess a limited vocabulary and consider INTEGRITY and HONESTY foreign terms, have superior ability in lying, amazingly thick-faced, unbelievably shameless, and despicable in every sense of the word that upon being elected in office would start planning on how to increase personal wealth and lavish on the prestige, privileges and power that their position offers and these kinds of leaders are the ones who inflict more damage to our country.

The damages being inflicted by these people are so grave that they ought to be hanged or be guillotined for the crimes they have committed just like what peoples of other nations do to those leaders who have brought nothing but misfortune to their country because of selfish interests but the Filipino people have always been emotional in decision making that justice is undermined because of their pity, their belief of forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt they give to these wrong doers thus these vile creatures we call officials have a lot of nerve to succumb to moral perversion and betray the people’s trust.


These corrupt officials rob the people of a multitude of opportunities which could have been provided only with effective governance.

These corrupt officials kill people who have trusted them.

These corrupt officials have laid the Philippines prey to those exploiting foreigners.

And these corrupt made the Filipinos turn their back to their country and bow their heads in shame.
It’s unbelievable to think that a few people can actually bring this kind of suffering to an entire nation. But then again, it’s what power does to those who are weak enough to succumb to its temptation and for several years, decades, the Philippines has been falling victim to these kind of people. It’s a pity to watch a country which promises a lot of potential to stagnate rather than to develop.

That’s why I have lost faith on the present.


In Egypt, Mubarak was tried publicly despite of his health condition. In Libya, Qadhafi was killed. The officials were held accountable of what they did and the people make sure that justice will be served.
In the Philippines, the former President who has committed cases of graft and corruption is now a congresswoman and escapes charges that are being filed against her and the people can’t do anything but pressure the government, which seems to be under her clutches, to do the right thing.

That’s why I have lost faith on the system.

I have always thought that the situations will change. I have always believed that someday a philosopher king or leader would bring our country back to its former glory: glory which at some point we have experienced in the past, glory which stimulated the potentials of our country but as years pass, I began to doubt this. An average youth losing faith because of what the current leaders are doing… and it pains me to admit the truth that at some point the youth right now, yes the youth which are the future of the country, are falling into passiveness… they have stopped caring all because of these offenders whose crimes are paraded in public yet are still unpunished because of the power they hold. The greatest shame a youth could witness is a failing justice system because of corruption because it takes all hopes away and when that hope is gone, no one will aim for change.

What troubles me is the threat of the youth of today following on the footsteps of corrupt officials. With the existence of the Sangguniang Kabataan where young leaders are being educated on graft and corruption and if that young man or lady does not know better, he or she will probably end up being dishonest.

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream of equality and freedom. ABBA had a dream of a song to sing. Well, I have dreams for my country; dreams which could not be taken away from me even by the rampant graft and corruption cases that plague our country. I have a dream of not hearing any insults directed to my country men. I have a dream of living in a country which lives up to its potentials. I have a dream of a justice system not being monopolized by powerful wrong doers. I have a dream of having a leader to look up to and would lead this country into progress. I have a dream that maybe I would be the one to fulfill these dreams. I have these dreams and I’ll continue dreaming until these dreams turn into reality.

I have these dreams. And that’s why I have to recover my lost faiths.


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The topic was about Government Officials in the Philippines(not sure). My piece for the elimination round-Nov. 28, 2011.

--D.B.R.S