Tick Tock II

I look at the clock, it stopped ticking.
I look at myself and stopped waiting.
Am I the only one who's tired?
Or the only one who tried?

For years I have kept it,
Under lock and key for extreme secrecy
I have ignored all opportunities
Thinking I might ruin what we have
Only to find out that all we had is nothing.

The present is not different from the past, only less talking.
But when did we ever talk?
We're both listeners and
You were also gifted with a keen eye for observation.

but

How come you never heard how my heart beats when you're near
or
How my heart somersaults by the mere mention of your name?

How come you never noticed how my cheeks turn red when you give me a compliment?
How come you never took note of the glitter in my eyes when I look at you,
of the way I looked at you?

Am I really good in hiding?
Or you are good in ignoring?
Nonetheless, we were able to keep what we had: NOTHING.

--D.B.R.S

Tick Tock I

Saturday morning and yet the rain won't stop falling
Everything outside is soaking and so is this pillow I'm hugging
Can love exist without tears?
Would it take years for this pain to fade?
I just want a way to escape...

I talk in riddles
but you deciphered my mystery
Now, I'm just another cracked puzzle
A person who would soon be a history

You left me hanging
Out in the open I freeze
Love, now I understand how
You turn angels into beasts

I looked at the clock, it stopped ticking.
I looked at myself and stopped waiting.

---D.B.R.S

A silent caterpillar wanting to fly.

When can I control my life?
When can I decide on my own?
When can I decide for myself?

I remember a friend telling me that she envies me because I can do whatever I want... that I don't have any responsibilities... how I wish that's true. I only act so carefree and happy-go-lucky because I refuse to give in to the stress of carrying responsibilities, I refuse to look troubled and I think I refuse to accept the fact that I only have a limited time left to look or act the way I do. Time will come and it is sooner rather than later that this chance to be this happy...look this happy--carefree as she puts it--- this chance will no longer exist. I have to shape up and grow. Even it I still don't want to.

Anyway, my friend does not know how I envy her. She accepts responsibilities and she's good at it. She's good in fulfilling it and in trouble-shooting a lot of stuff. She decides on her own... She's the pilot of her own life... and she speaks up for her own while I have to bite my tongue and swallow every single retort that I so want to say.

If there's one thing my situation taught me that's SILENCE. Silence. In silence I wallow in my own misfortune, in silence I can speak for my own, in silence I can think for myself and in silence I see myself doing what I want to do and what makes me happy. I wish I don't have to do these things in silence.

So here I am in a crowded place where people seem to have no problem---a place which seem to hide the reality: a place of escape... and in this place, I wonder when will this silence come to an end.

--D.B.R.S

Life, Socks

"What I need to Learn, I learned from Wearing Socks"

Do you still remember the time when you can't even put on clothes without looking like a victim of a bad spell or jinx? Remember when you can't win a battle with things which can't do you any harm but you are still on the losing side? Do you remember what your elders told you back then?

I remember when I was young one of my mother's older sister, Mama as what we call her because she's like a mother for she makes sure that we survive our daily battles with clothes and the likes, helps me put on my socks. You see there were two apparels which I am a bit cautious to wear that I needed my Mama's assistance in wearing those two--- a pair of socks was one of them. I believe that my fears were quite rational that time if you take in consideration the tabularasa argument which means whatever my elders tell me I consider that as the ultimate truth... I didn't know better and it was only way way later when I realized that what they told me were lies for them to have things go their way.

Anyway, I would remember my Mama telling me that I should know which socks should be on which foot---meaning I should always be able to distinguish which one is the right sock and which one is the left sock as well as how to correctly wear socks---the line should be at the heel---the bwool as what my Mama call it. My Mama said that if I put the wrong sock at the wrong foot my feet will be interchanged thus causing a disability---a disability which I caused because I didn't follow her instructions. Imagine having your left foot on the right side and your right foot on the left--that's enough to make me scared.

School started and my teachers tried putting some information inside this weird shaped head of mine---some of these information were retained--- point is I was able to distinguish facts from white lies. I now laugh at how gullible I was and the fact that I believed the threat my Mama said about socks. It makes me smile though and shake my head that up until now I still make sure that I distinguish which sock should be on the right foot, which should be at the left and that I am still ever so careful in putting on a pair of socks.

You might find it weird that I am talking about socks but when you are going through something you start to reminisce and it was only four months ago that I got to see the wisdom behind my Mama's teachings.

You should know which sock should be on which foot. In life, I think it taught me to know what's right and what should be done; "Dapat alam mo kung ano ang tama at kung ano ang dapat"... In every situation it should be like that. There's should be an assessment of the situation, every option should be analyzed and consequences should be evaluated. And this should always be done before doing something which I might regret afterwards.

If you put the wrong sock at the wrong foot your feet will be interchanged which I said would be a disability which I caused. The lesson , in life whatever happens it's my fault or it's my own doing because I acted without properly evaluating the situation and I acted with the knowledge that it will lead to chaos or confusion but I still did it. And when this happens the only person to be blamed is myself.

What you do in life is irreversible just like having an interchanged feet.. My Mama never told me of a solution or cure if my feet will be interchanged and in life there are also no cure or there is no way to undo what has already been done, take back what has already been said and erase a wound which has already been inflicted and left bleeding. Just like there's no way to make a scar disappear.

This my friends is one lesson I learned from childhood. This won't be taught in school--- this is what you learn from experience and from white lies told by your elders.

What a lesson I got just by wearing socks! :)

--D.B.R.S