When can I control my life?
When can I decide on my own?
When can I decide for myself?
I remember a friend telling me that she envies me because I can do whatever I want... that I don't have any responsibilities... how I wish that's true. I only act so carefree and happy-go-lucky because I refuse to give in to the stress of carrying responsibilities, I refuse to look troubled and I think I refuse to accept the fact that I only have a limited time left to look or act the way I do. Time will come and it is sooner rather than later that this chance to be this happy...look this happy--carefree as she puts it--- this chance will no longer exist. I have to shape up and grow. Even it I still don't want to.
Anyway, my friend does not know how I envy her. She accepts responsibilities and she's good at it. She's good in fulfilling it and in trouble-shooting a lot of stuff. She decides on her own... She's the pilot of her own life... and she speaks up for her own while I have to bite my tongue and swallow every single retort that I so want to say.
If there's one thing my situation taught me that's SILENCE. Silence. In silence I wallow in my own misfortune, in silence I can speak for my own, in silence I can think for myself and in silence I see myself doing what I want to do and what makes me happy. I wish I don't have to do these things in silence.
So here I am in a crowded place where people seem to have no problem---a place which seem to hide the reality: a place of escape... and in this place, I wonder when will this silence come to an end.
--D.B.R.S
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